David Bruce

The Funniest People in Families, Volume 6 David Bruce

This book contains 250 anecdotes, including these:1) When Beth Quinn, former columnist for New York's "Times Herald-Record," was young, she and her sister looked forward to two big presents-one for each of them-each Christmas. The two big presents came in two big boxes, the tops of which were wrapped in colorful paper. One box's top was red; the other box's top was blue. To open the box and see the present, all a child had to do was to take the top off of a box. When Beth was about eight years old and wondering if Santa Claus was real, she came across these two boxes in her family's storage area. To Beth, this was disturbing evidence that perhaps Santa Claus was not real, so she asked her father about the boxes: "Why are they here? Why doesn't Santa have them?" Her father explained the situation well: "What are you, nuts or something? You think Santa can haul everything around with him? He asked your mother and me years ago to keep those boxes here. He said to put them out on Christmas Eve so he can fill them." This made sense to Beth, who realized, "So that's why the lids come off like that! So he can fill them and doesn't have to wrap them each time!" Her father agreed: "He's a smart guy, that Santa." 2) When Ohio University student Lindsey DeStefano was growing up, she and Erin, her younger sister, were afraid of monsters. Fortunately, they had a loving father who protected them. He invented "Monster Spray," a concoction that he sprayed in all corners, under the bed, and in the closet to keep away monsters of every kind. Later, of course, they learned that the Monster Spray consisted of ordinary tap water, but when they were young, they be-lieved in it. One night after their father had finished spray-ing, Lindsey called him back because she thought that he had missed a spot.