David Bruce

The Funniest People in Families, Volume 5 David Bruce

This book contains 250 anecdotes, including these:1) Steve Pollak, an elementary schoolteacher, member of the Phish, and songwriter of "Suzy Greenberg," is married to Leslie, who had prayed to meet someone to share her life. On her 30th birthday, she blew out the candles on her birthday cake and then prayed, "OK, God, I want to find someone who falls madly in love with me, and then hear the pitter patter of little feet after that." Sure enough, soon afterward, she found a dog dodging trucks on a bridge near where she lived. She adopted the dog, named him Willie, and shared her life with him. Leslie's aunt told her, "You said pitter patter of little feet, and fall in love with you-you weren't specific." Therefore, on her next birthday, Les-lie was more specific. After blowing out the birthday-cake candles, she prayed, "OK, God, I want a tall dark male human being to fall in love with me, whom I fall in love with, but the clincher is he needs to propose to me before my college reunion on June 8th." Being specific counts. She made the prayer January 17th, she met Steve March 23rd, they were engaged May 11th, and they went to her reunion June 8th. Leslie says, "True story." 2) Humorist Ring Lardner was once asked how his wife had helped him in his career. He replied, "In 1914 or 1915, I think it was July, she cleaned my white shoes. She dusted my typewriter in 1922. Late one night in 1924 we got home from somewhere and I said I was hungry and she gave me a verbal picture of the location of the pantry. Another time I quit cigarettes and she felt sorry for me."