Robert Shimizu MD

The Choice for Better Parenting Robert Shimizu MD

It was always sad listening to earnest and loving parents relate their stories of conflict and discord as they raised their children. They loved their children and wanted the best for them, but couldn't seem to get their children to comply with their standards without anger and threats of punishments. The terrible twos and the teenage rebellion were twin unsolvable problems for many parents. Yet, there were other families with equally high standards that seemed to thrive without the problems that others had. It became clear that these happy families had found a plan of parenting that should be studied. First, it was important to examine the rules of traditional parenting, Parenting 101. Were they valid and reasonable? Second, were the assumptions about children and their abilities and motivation accurate? Were we clear on their developmental abilities at a given age? Third, did parents really understand the dynamics of how to raise a child to become a good and productive adult? Were punishments and threats necessary to get your demands met? Fourth, isn't teaching and mentoring like your best teacher a better way to convey knowledge to your child? Fifth, make sure that your child understands that you love him through how you treat him, how you make him feel about you and himself. The preservation of your child's self-esteem is key to their success in life. Do not diminish their self-esteem and resilience with demeaning words and threats. Think about how you choose to parent. Make a choice for how you want to parent - yes, you have a choice, don't blindly accept past traditions. Choose to parent within the context of a friendly, helpful relationship and learn how to achieve it while maintaining your high standards. Develop a new starting point. Reject prejudicial and demeaning statements about children. See your children as innocent and acting up to their developmental abilities. Understand the slow pace of their behavioral development. Do not just demand good behavior, teach, mentor, and model the behavior you want your child to have. Become your child's best friend and guide through life.