Matthew David Heines

Heinessights Matthew David Heines

Heinessights are always 20/20




? "Before we left the hospital, the cops were called. They gave my mother a ticket for disturbing the peace."




? "My mother was an optimist. She used to put my picture on milk carton ads."




Some folks grow up poor. Some folks grow up ugly. Some folks grow up in towns so small the city limit signs are on the same post. Matthew Heines didn't grow up under one of these circumstance, he grew up poor and ugly in Sequim, Washington. Instead of lamenting his fate however, Matthew Heines has compiled a lifetime of wisdom into one very small book that you can't afford not to read.




? Whether it's advice on dating, the military, politics or the history of town names in Washington State, Heinessights: Wisdom For the Ages, will not only keep you amused, it will keep your friends amused as well as you pass these quips, witticisms and dry observations off as your own.




? Be the first at your next picnic, church social or local race riot to get these knee-slappers going. Be the first to say, "I told you. Heinessights are always 20/20!"




? In the Army: "In the 82nd Airborne, they said everyone should be, "high and tight." It took a long time before I realized they were talking about my hair and not my underwear."




? Equality in Seattle: "Smart or stupid, rich or poor, Seattle traffic makes everyone equal-equally screwed that is."





? Dating: "I once dated someone who told me she was a showgirl. When it came to our dates, she never showed."




Jokes, puns and gaffs at your fingertips. Just scroll up and click the Add to Cart Button to get your party started now.




"It is better to laugh at someone then to laugh with them." - Ancient Chinese Proverb